Life, the Universe and Dragons

For some reason, the Thursday post is a struggle.  And it has been since I committed to posting every weekday.  Thursday’s seem to be the day that I get most of my draft posts from. (This could have something to do with the fact that I write the Thursday post on Wednesday, which is my least favourite day by a long margin) I thought, perhaps I should revisit some old drafts, perhaps one of them is almost finished and I can write a conclusion and hit publish.

No such luck.

Instead, I found this.

I’ve been dealing with doubts a lot recently.  Doubt’s about content, doubts about products, doubts about the universe and my place in it.  Basically, if there are two ways to go from any given point, I’ll choose one and then wonder about whether I should have taken the second one.  Normally, I wouldn’t be able to pinpoint the source of this Nicholas Cage level angst and I’d have to pick a direction and just go until I was so far past that it was too late to change.

That was written a little over 2 months ago.  At the time I wasn’t sure what I was doing, not just with Fight-Mediocrity, but with my life, my relationships, my job, everything really.  At the time it felt like the only thing I could do was screw it up.  I was starting to get concerned about whether I might be clinically depressed, so much so that I actually went and spoke to a professional about it. (Turns out I was 1 point away from being medicated, and that was only because I lied on the one question, otherwise a quick trip to the pharmacy would have been in order, and not for biznicillin)

And then something changed.  I didn’t get a new job, although that was one of the professional suggestions.  Well, something probably isn’t quite accurate.  It wasn’t one big thing, but a number of little things.

I made some decisions about the direction to take Fight Mediocrity.  I realised I didn’t have to have it all together and always have cool metaphors but could write about problems I was having and how I was trying to cope with them.  That talking about my specifics may help other people deal with their specifics. (Thanks to sinclair from selfactivor.com for helping me realise this) Of course, when I thought of a cool story or a great metaphor, I could still use it (I thinking about the T-rex post that’s still in my draft folder.  If I keep this up you’re going to start equating T-Rex with Duke Nukem Forever).

I realised that just because everyone else is doing something, or telling you that you have to do something or worse, going “you;ll fail if you don’t…” doesn’t mean they know what they’re talking about.  And even if they do have a proven track record, it doesn’t mean they know what will work for me.  If I don’t know what’s going to work for me until I try it, how will they?

I realised that instead of saying, “One day, when I have time, I’ll…” I should start saying, “I can create time now to do..” and then go off and do it.  This has led to my first product, my first product sail (which was more exciting).  It got me to buy a guitar, and learn three chords.  It also makes sure I still take it out of the case to play too.

I realised that when a fun idea came along I should say yes and then figure out how to make the time for it, rather than automatically decline because I don’t have time.  There’s never enough time to do anything.  What with working sleeping and being miserable was taking up 42 hours of every day. (some of them I could do at the same time, multitasking for the win) The Cartoonival of wisdom was born from this.   It was fun, exciting and nervewracking all at the same time.  It will be done again, perhaps with a different topic idea, and definitely with more planning.

But most of all, I realised that the only thing preventing my happiness, was me.  Everything I needed to be happy was there all along.  I was just focusing on the wrong things. (The weekly everyday delight helped with this as did creating a secret identity).

You may ask yourself whether this post has a point? And you may ask yourself where does that highway go? And you may ask yourself, Am I right?… Am I wrong?  And you can tell yourelf whatever you want.  The important thing is that YOU tell Yourself.

I don’t have all the answers.  I don’t even have all the questions. And one of these days, 42 is going to make sense. Until then, I’ll keep talking to you about it. (perhaps after it makes sense I’ll have to sing about it.  Who knows!)

2 Responses to Life, the Universe and Dragons
  1. Kathleen Jaffe
    August 18, 2010 | 11:51 pm

    Thanks for the shout-out, Gareth!

    I love this post. Epiphanies tend to come at the absolute perfect time, don’t they? 🙂

  2. Gareth
    August 19, 2010 | 8:07 am

    The thing I’ve noticed about epiphanies is that they never come when you want them, they come when you’re ready for them. They’re kind of annoying like that.

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